Love At First Glance
by Eponine Piper
Summary: When Rachel Hiddleston dies suddenly in childbirth, Tom must find a way to forgive this tiny person who has taken everything from him. Tom Hiddleston / OC, Slight angst, fluff, minor character death, oneshot, actor fic


**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Not a part of the 'You're Having My Baby' series.**

**ENJOY! Reviews are greatly appreciated! :)**

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"_What's going on? What's wrong with my wife?" Tom said, the panic rising in his chest as the nurse pulled him towards the door._

"_Please Mr Hiddleston! You have to leave now!" the nurse shouted, pushing him further. He could hear the traces of fear in her voice and that scared him. Something had gone seriously wrong. _

"_No! Someone tell me what's going on! Rachel!" His eyes were fixed on the limp form of his wife in the hospital bed; her brown hair plastered to her forehead with sweat from the strain of childbirth and skin deathly pale as a doctor began doing chest compressions. Turning to the other side of the room, he could just make out the tiny grey body of their newborn daughter, surrounded by at least 4 nurses who were doing all they could to help her breathe._

"_Rachel please!" he screamed, nearly hysterical now. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. "Please wake up Rachel!"_

"_Nurse! Get him out of here!" the doctor doing compressions yelled as with a final shove the nurse managed to pull Tom out of the room and close the door, cutting him off from the chaos in the room. Somewhere he felt another nurse trying to lead him away, but he couldn't pull himself away from the door as he beat his hands against it in a panic._

"_Let me in! Please god no! Rachel!"_

.

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Tom stared blankly at the wall as he sat on the floor of the hospital hallway, in complete shock from the past few hours. He felt he should be dissolving in a fit of tears, but they wouldn't come. He hadn't expected that this was what would happen when he and Rachel came in this morning. The thoughts and emotions were racing through his head like lightning; fear, hurt, rage…

Rachel, his Rachel, was gone...

And it was all because of that baby.

The past few hours were such a blur to him. He could remember trying to support her during labor, the doctor saying that it was time, a small and bloodied thing in the doctor's arms, Rachel gasping behind him, then no longer breathing, screaming her name while a nurse pushed him out of the room and yelling something about code for Rachel and the baby, falling to his knees in despair as he was told that they had stabilized the baby but they weren't able to save his wife.

For the longest time, he sat in that hallway, oblivious to everything going on around him. Several various people walked past him, but he remained lost in thought as he replayed the past few hours in his mind. Something that he could have done, any sign that he may had missed to have known she was in trouble. The doctor had said that it was an amniotic fluid embolism; amniotic fluid that had entered Rachel's bloodstream and traveled straight to her heart. They didn't know what caused it, no way they could have prevented it, but that wasn't good enough for him. If only he had insisted on a c-section, if only she hadn't pushed herself so hard, if only they hadn't gotten pregnant...may she'd still be here.

"Thomas..."

The voice was what broke his line of thought. Looking up, he could see his younger sister Emma standing over him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder; the redness in her eyes from where he could tell she had been crying.

"Tom, I'm so sorry..." she said quietly, silent tears streaming down her face as she sat down next to him.

That did it. The tears that had been held back now came flowing out in heaving sobs as memories of his wife flashed through his mind; proposing to her on the beach, the way she always had that one piece of hair that never seemed to sit right on her face, dancing with her in the empty living room of their new home, her eyes sparking with excitement the day she told him she was pregnant, her smile, her laugh... It hurt too much...

"God, what am I going to do without her?" he choked as Emma's arms wrapped around him and held him tight.

.

.

"Have you seen your daughter yet?" she asked a little later as he started to calm himself.

He turned away from her gaze at her question. How do you even tell your sister that you didn't even want to see your own child? Not now... Not after everything it had taken away from him...

"I spoke to one of the nurses and they said she's doing alright now." she continued. "She's breathing on her own and her heart rate's back to normal. They said they may even be able to move her to the regular nursery as soon as tomorrow. They have her under observation and they want to do some more tests, but they're saying she's going to be fine."

Tom mumbled something that sounded like, "That's good." but his eyes never broke their focus with the wall.

"She's already got your unruly curls." Emma continued with a slight smile. "But she looks so much like Rachel."

That was the last thing he wanted to hear as he closed his eyes tight; tears threatening to push through. This baby had already taken his wife away from him; he didn't want to be reminded of that every time he had to look at her.

"You should go see her."

"I can't… I...I don't want to…" he replied bitterly.

Without a word, Emma grabbed his arm, dragging him onto his feet and pulling him towards the NICU. After resisting for a bit and soon realizing that she wasn't going to allow him to get away, his mind began racing; wondering how he'd feel when he'd get his first good look at her. True they had both been excited about the pregnancy, but Rachel was the one who really wanted this baby in the first place. How could he do this on his own? How could he raise this baby without her? How could he love someone who had taken so much from him? Before he had time to think of the answers, they had stopped at the NICU door.

"You go get suited up, go on in and I'll be along in a bit." Emma said.

As she turned to go, Tom quickly grabbed her hand.

"Emma, please…" His voice was trembling. "I can't do this on my own. I…I don't want to see her."

"I know it's hard. But she's Rachel's gift to you." she said as her hands clasped his. "She wouldn't want you to just walk away from this. Go in there. It's what she'd want. "

He nodded as he turned to open the door, but before he did, he cast one more fearful look at Emma.

"It'll be alright" she smiled as she motioned for him to go in.

.

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'A vision in yellow…' he thought to himself as he took another look at himself in the mirror. Finally dressed, he swallowed hard as he stepped into the sterile room and instantly became self-conscious as he realized that he was the only single father there. He wanted to run out of the room, away from the pain that was threatening to tear him apart. He wasn't ready to face this But before he could, one of the nurses approached him, appearing to be in her late 40's with a motherly feel about her. She was smiling at him, but her eyes showed that she realized what the past few hours had done to him. She didn't pry for answers, only saying simply, "It's good to see you. Your daughter's in the isolette at the end of the row. She's been waiting to meet you." She went on ahead, implying that he accompany her and after a moment, he slowly followed. Walking past the other isolettes, it made him sick to the stomach see the other parents with their children. A comforting touch, a reassuring hug, a soft-spoken word of support; true their child was ill, but at least they had still had each other. He was facing this alone...and all he could think of was Rachel. How she should be here, how he should be holding her hand and telling her everything was going to be alright.

As he walked, he could sense the whispers and glances from the nurses around him. Surely word had spread by now about the healthy young woman who had suddenly died in childbirth and the new father suddenly thrust into single parenthood.

_"He's the one."_

_"That poor man… To lose his wife like that…"_

He forced himself to quit listening as each step brought him closer.

Finally reaching the isolette, he felt as if his heart were about to leap out of his chest. He still wanted to leave, but the curiosity of seeing what had been growing inside Rachel for the past nine months kept him transfixed to the spot. As he peered inside, he was finally able to get his first good look at her. She was a tiny thing with a shock of dark curls peeking from under her pink hat and looking even more fragile under the various machines keeping track of her vitals. But the first thing he noticed was that she was already alert, staring at him with a set of big blue eyes; Rachel's eyes. He reached a hand in to touch her, and despite himself, softly smiled as she grabbed a tight hold on his finger.

"You're a strong little thing; aren't you?" he whispered as she jerked her other arm in response as if trying to figure out what to do with it..

"This is your first one?" a voice behind him asked. Looking behind him, he could see it was the nurse that had approached him earlier.

He nodded. "I didn't realize she'd be so small…" His gaze drifted to the tiny bracelet on her wrist and the lump caught in his throat when he saw Rachel's name on it.

"She's a really good-natured baby." she said. "Hardly ever cries except when she's hungry. Does this little one have a name?"

"Elisa. Elisa Rose..." he responded, his mind drifting back to the day they had chosen it and how Rachel had insisted that it be her name when they found out it was a girl.

"Elisa…" the nurse repeated. "It fits her."

"Yeah…It does…"

She placed her hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to hold her?"

The question caught him off guard; he was content to touch her like this. But the words, "Can I?" came out before he could stop himself. Before he realized it, he was seated in a nearby chair, watching the nurse pick up his daughter with the skill of someone who had done it a thousand times. He found himself holding his breath at the weight of Elisa's weight in his hands and silently begged the nurse for some kind of guidance as she squirmed awkwardly in his arms.

"You don't need to hold her like if she's made of glass." she smiled as she adjusted Elisa's blanket. "Hold her closer to you. Newborns like to hear the sound of a heartbeat."

Doing as the nurse suggested, he was surprised as she stopped squirming in his arms and instead nuzzled into his chest.

"Oh wow..." he breathed and as she looked at him with those blue eyes he knew so well, he could feel his heart melting as he slowly fell in love with this little person that was a perfect combination of Rachel and himself. In that moment, he knew that there was nothing he wanted to do other than to protect her, to keep her safe, to raise her to be everything that Rachel dreamed for her. Emma was right. This little girl was Rachel's gift to him and he knew that if she had the choice, she would have done it all over again. He wasn't sure how, but somehow he'd find a way to make this work; to help her be everything they knew she could be.

They were going to be okay.

**_-THE END-_**


End file.
